I am often surprised at the things children say or that pop out of my mouth while I am substitute teaching (no, I have never swore at them despite what some of you may be thinking but that doesn't mean I don't think it). Sometimes kids are funny and other times you just want to punch them in the face or at least be present when someone else does. These are some of those stories (insert Law and Order GA-GUNG! here).
I meet a lot of different kids from different backgrounds that have some pretty interesting names, but since everyone seems to want their child to have a unique name that's not what's surprising. It's the kids who have outdated names like Harold and Patti. I was teaching in a dual language class this week and occasionally what I'm trying to say in Spanish mixes with what I say in English. One such incident resulting in me calling a first grader "Potty" instead of "Patty." I tried to correct myself and pretend that it hadn't happened, but I think the damage was done.
Sometimes kids are surprised at my age as well as my marital status. These are two real conversations I had this week with the same first grade class:
Student: Are you still in college?
Me: No.
Student: Are you done with college?
Me: Yes.
Student: What?! You still look like you are in high school!
What I am thinking: Says the kid who looks like she belongs in fourth grade. I hope you look old and wrinkly at 30. Maybe I should find it as a compliment, but I don't.
Different Student: Oh, I couldn't tell if you were married.
What I was thinking: Uh, I wrote "Mrs." on the board. Can't you read?
What I really said: Yes, I am.
Student: I couldn't tell because you don't have a diamond on your ring and women who are married have diamonds on top.
Fact: I do have a diamond in my ring. Apparently also a fact: It is not visible to the naked eye.
I also had a dual language job this past week with fifth graders. They each have a writing and reading notebook for class. Not surprisingly there were several who didn't write their names on them or were convinced that someone else had stolen theirs (of course, that didn't happen but kids are too ridiculous to realize that nobody wants your stupid notebook). One that had no name was covered in pictures of Obama and I thought surely someone would remember this belonged to them. One student said, "Oh, it's so-and-so's." He happened to be black and this was his response:
"That ain't mine. Don't be assuming that just cause I'm black that it's my notebook. Geez!" It was kind of funny, but I did feel a little bad that everyone assumed it was his.
