The Real Reason We Keep Facebook

Steve and I don't find Facebook to be terribly useful unless we are plugging our blog or seeing if anyone has posted anything funny or interesting (in that order).  Someone had this on Steve's news feed and I thought I was going to die laughing...mainly after reading numbers 4, 8, 10, and 13.  Enjoy!  (P.S. Don't lie to yourself.  We all experience and think these things.)

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 

5. How on earth are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 

6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired. 

10. Bad decisions make good stories. 

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. 

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay. 

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. 

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? 

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! 

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time. 

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.  

Halloween is the second best holiday of the year.  Sadly, I spent it sick in bed unable to feast on the VERY large bowl of Halloween candy I bought for "trick or treaters."  Let's be honest, I knew no one would come (just like last year and that conveniently allowed us to eat every piece that I bought).  I bought the candy for me and I didn't even get to enjoy it on the one day you're allowed to eat as much garbage as you want.  Except Almond Joys, they will always be trash and I will always give them to my dad.  I spent the morning vomiting and laying nauseated in bed only to spend the afternoon at the doctor's office with an unidentified person that reeked of urine.  I seriously considered vomiting in the waiting room to get back at them, but then it made feel bad.  But to be fair, I hate the smell of stale urine more than boogers and I HATE boogers a lot.  You can ask Steve.  The point is that we had to celebrate the day after because I wasn't going to wait an entire year.  I might die and then I'd be mad I missed it.  Just like Sally when the Great Pumpkin never showed up.

Anyway, we decided to carve our pumpkins while listening to the soundtrack from "The Nightmare Before Christmas."  It's become a tradition and why not, it is one of the best movies ever.  I still remember when it came out when I was in  elementary school and my mom said I couldn't see it.  She probably thought it was evil, but she also didn't want us to see Toy Story (I'm convinced it was because of the creepy doll head with Erector set spider legs).  But I ended seeing it at someone else's house and told my dad repeatedly how much I loved it.  And then he bought it.  And we watched it a million times...until he put a limit on how often we could watch it because it was getting out of hand (true story-Lys will confirm its validity).  Now I only watch it every Halloween and Christmas (yes, I consider that self-control).  I tried to convince Steve that he should carve Oogey Boogey to match my Jack Skellington, but the skull is what he chose instead.  He did, however, promise that one day I could have a pumpkin patch (which he will plant for me) so that I can do the whole Halloween Town.  Or at least a good chunk of it.  What about our children carving some of our pumpkins?  Uh, they don't get any.  And a 50% candy tax will be enforced.  Next year I will try to steady my hands and not saw off Jack's eyebrow along with a few of his teeth.

Steve's Trick-or-Treat Skull and the Annual Jack Skellington

Our Cup O' Dirt & Worms