Behold Your Future Old People (that includes you, Mom and Dad)

So I have been working at a new job the last 3 months doing Medicaid case management for older adults so that they can stay in their home/apartments instead of moving to a nursing home. I have clients that literally live in the middle of nowhere and some that live in cities. Most of the clients I have that live in cities typically live in apartment complexes similar to Fort Knox, but I haven't decided yet if it's to keep people out or keep the old people in. I have to go visit them in their homes before they can be enrolled in the program to receive services. In October I had to enroll almost 30 people in the program and these are not short visits. The visits are 2-3 hours long and sometimes 4 hours if you get an old person that doesn't want to let you leave (in a lonely way, not a serial killer way-not yet anyway). There was one day where I had to complete THREE of these long visits that I also had to do 3+ hours of documentation for afterwards and I was so tired by the time I got to the third visit at an apartment building. My eyelids were drooping until I got into the elevator and saw this:

Genius idea. Next year I'm putting one outside my grandma's front door.

Then my eyes got huge and I choked on my breath. Thankfully I was alone and decided that I would take a picture with my phone so that I could blog about it. And then I thought, "Dude, who puts a skeleton in an elevator in an apartment building full of old people?" And then I got super bummed because there were no old people getting into or out of the elevator when I was using it and I would have really enjoyed seeing an old person get scared like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UgPiYHNjkY

GoPro Video of Summer 2014

Here is a compilation of some footage I took over the summer on my GoPro including our hiking trip in Southern Utah with the Olsen's, wakeboarding at Utah Lake, and beach trip to Wrightsville Beach, NC with the rest of the sears family (remember to change the quality to HD by clicking the gear/settings in the right bottom corner):

...And Then There Were None

I like watching mysteries/thrillers/stuff that gives you nightmares, which is a terrible habit because I have very vivid dreams that have on more than one occasion scared Steve when I wake up screaming that someone is trying to kill me.  It's usually Steve rolled over on sheets that restrict my movement, so in a way it serves him right.  A couple weeks ago two of my sisters were talking about a British series called Endeavor so I thought I would try it out.  Steve and I watched the first season because the second season started airing on PBS this month, but I watched the most recent episode by myself because Steve was working nights at the hospital (even though it looked freaky from the previews).  This was a terrible decision.  Basically a bunch of murders happen at this spooky looking mansion in the late 1800's and more murders were happening that appeared to involve ghosts.  It took me several minutes to psych myself up to go upstairs to bed and after I flipped the light switch the light at the top of the stairs flickered and then went out (cue serial killer and creaky stairs)!  I remember thinking, "I'm pretty sure this same scene happens in every scary movie I've seen and I always scream at the people to not go where it's unlit and creepy, they do it anyway, and then they die.  Every time.  Ugh."  I did eventually go upstairs, but I brought my laptop to hit anybody over the head and pushed Charlie up the stairs in front of me because the family pet has to take one for the team sometimes.  Needless to say, I had to watch an episode of Parks and Rec before I could go to bed.

Glenn Family Reunion - Las Vegas

Here's a video I made with footage from my GoPro Camera of the 2014 Glenn Family Reunion. Make sure you go over to settings at the bottom right corner of the YouTube screen and switch the quality to HD!

Now I am the Master

Last month Steve (finally) and I graduated from school.  So that makes Steve a doctor and me a master.  You can just call me The Master.  Like so, but better looking:

Don't make me social work you.

But really though guys, here are some of our real graduation pictures:

Steve and Joe after being hooded in robes of a false priesthood.

Us post-graduation since we weren't able to go to each other's.  Who designed these hats?

Us and my parents

Picture taken without me because my dad accidentally was taking pictures of himself and did not know how to reverse the camera.

Steve's parents post-Torchy's but pre-Round Rock Donuts and Blue Bell.

In Keeping with the Mother's Day Tradition

So, I hate sappy things. A LOT.  Sometimes Steve does sappy things just to make me uncomfortable.  I hate it.  Anyway, I'm sure you can all imagine how I feel about Mother's Day.  Which is why I only send cards that somewhat traumatize my mom and may at times border on inappropriate, but I think these cards build character.  Occasionally, Steve has to say things like, "Maybe your mom won't appreciate that as much as you do."  Around Mother's Day a few years ago I decided to confess some of my childhood stories that my mom was unaware of because she's over 1200 miles away and caller ID is standard now.  Plus, there's that whole statute of limitations thing.  So in keeping with that tradition, I present to you the failed attempt to teach her children manners.

As a kid I used to burp a lot and it was mostly to bother my mom because I felt that it was my job to terrorize her.  I once told her that God told me that was my whole job on earth and I'm sure you can figure out how that went down.  She always got after me for my bad manners, but the thing is that I was very well-behaved at other people's houses and usually ate better than some of their kids.  In fact, I usually only burped with friends when there was some kind of contest to be won.  However, my mom decided that the three youngest children needed an intervention and used the guise of FHE to implement it.  This is what it was:

Eddie Cat as in etiquette, not a man dressed as a cat named Eddie.  I felt so deceived.  So one deceit deserved another.  My mom thought she had this genius plan of making us watch the video before we could get our treat of Moose bars, which are essentially the poor man's version of Creamies popsicles.  What my mom had not planned on was someone coming to the door.  Our house was a split level with the TV downstairs, meaning that my mom had to go upstairs to answer the door.  I took the opportunity to start fast forwarding through the movie.  As soon as I heard her coming back down the stairs, I hit play and sat back on the couch.  About 10 minutes after she got back the movie ended to which she replied, "That was shorter than I thought it would be."  To deflect her comment, I immediately said it was time for our Moose Bars and that was that.  Every time I saw that tape on the shelf after that I laughed to myself about how I outsmarted my mom for a popsicle.  Moral of the story: Never get between a Sears kid and their treats.  That's serious business.

Another One Bites the Dust

During spring break this year, Steve and I went to my sister's wedding.  My sister and brother-in-law stayed with their kids with me at Steve's house.  Their kids decided that they loved his parents' princess room and even Michael loved the Cinderella shoes with lights that flash as you walk.  Here's some pics from the trip.

My niece and nephew checking out the dead spider floating on the water.

The children thinking that a pool party would be way more fun.

The reception was at the Springville Art Museum. This was called "Star Warry Fight."

Alyssa's wedding cake that my sister Jennifer made all by herself.

Ophthalmology Residency

We've told some, but not all, so I wanted to announce on here that I matched into Ophthalmology residency (Eye surgeon training to those not in the medical field)! We matched to the Medical College of Georgia/Georgia Regents University Ophthalmology program in Augusta, GA. Augusta is about 2 hours east of Atlanta. We'll be starting there in July of 2015 and I'll find out where I will be for my internship year (beginning in July 2014) on March 21 - the official match day of everyone else in medicine.

Die Kashi

Nearly four years of marriage has taught me many important lessons. One of these is that my role in this relationship is to be the human garbage disposal. I am to finish any and all scraps, whether left over scraps at the table, or left over random items in our pantry.

My name is Steve, and I am a Costcoholic. I just can't live without Costcohol. My lovely wife Megan is also a Costcoholic. This means that when we buy things from Costco our brains are wired, whether right or wrong, to believe that whatever item we bought tastes better, is less expensive, and is of greater quality because we bought it from Costco. This also means that we enable each other in our addiction.

One of our purchases about a year ago was a box of 40 or so Kashi brand protein bars. Kashi is by all means a quality brand that produces healthy, quality cereals and other foods. Although compared to other protein bars Kashi proteins bars taste pretty good, they are still protein bars. We bought them believing that they would provide a healthy snack that would leave us more full during the day. I neglected to account for the fact that Megan would eat 4-5 protein bars, while garbage disposal man would have to jump on the grenade that is 30-35 dirt flavored wannabe candy/granola bars.

What makes matters worse is they seemed to be hidden in different parts of our pantry and cupboards. Leading me to believe that I was eating the last one on Monday of this last week. I announced to Megan that night that the Kashi bars were finally gone. Then I found another one in our pantry. I ate it on Tuesday and announced again to Megan that the Kashi bars were finally dead. Here is my correspondence with Megan Wednesday afternoon after surveying our "candy jar":

Despite Megan's attempt to hide these land mines around our house, I can now finally declare that the Kashi protein bars finally dead.