A Fair is a Veritable Smorgasbord

This weekend Steve and I went to the State Fair in Dallas. I know what all you Mormons are thinking, why weren't we watching General Conference? For one, we are sometimes wicked. But really, it was because Steve paid for a hotel room he got a good deal on a month ago and we forgot. You really should not hold us to the high standards of remembering something that happens twice a year when we NEVER remember Fast Sunday until we get to church and everyone talks about how grateful they are to be there. You can identify us as the only people that don't have grumbling stomachs. But I digress.

So the State Fair. I will admit I had very low expectations after attending Utah's state fair for the first time shortly after Steve and I were dating (It was not a good way to impress me). One, their fried food selection sucked. And two (most importantly of all), we ended up at a Boyz to Men concert whose tickets were free. Obviously because no one would pay money to suffer through their terrible love songs. Thank goodness I had the sense in junior high not to listen to them or base my expectations for marriage on their lyrics.

We started off our Saturday at the dog show. The two best parts were the dog that kept stealing frisbees from the trainer (I bet he got spanked afterward for embarrassing him) and the dogs that were supposed to be racing around a track, but instead repeatedly ran away from their owners. How embarrassing to have to chase after your own dog in front of all those people. Your pain, our entertainment. They also had some pig races scheduled, but were not able to see them because Steve needed to be back. It was a shame because they wear RACING OUTFITS while they compete. I was so sad.

However, the fried lunch we ate made up for it. Come to think of it, we may have actually eaten retired race pigs...Anyway, so what I was most excited for at the fair was the fried food. You even can ask my family, if you can fry I will eat it. (My youngest sister often didn't like what I chose for dinner growing up because it was usually deep fried. She is missing out.) Did you know they have country fried BACON?! Yep, true story. We ate an entire order. And maybe some fried oreos....with a possible fried Snickers in there. Go ahead, call us disgusting. I don't really care because my family established this fact years ago and your opinion will do little to change my mind about my food being soaked in grease. (If I am at least in my sixties when my doctor says that I will die if I don't stop eating fried everything-even if it's Steve-I will just accept death. Do I really need to live long enough to have both hips replaced? No, I do not.) You would not believe the stuff they fried: bubble gum, caviar (one thing I will never eat, even fried), salsa, beer and cheesecake. We didn't get the cheesecake because we were trying to exercise self-control.

One of the best parts of the fair was the petting zoo. Again, you may judge away. We can't help it if we enjoy mauling animals with our love. Especially Steve (you can confirm that with my cat). They had zebras, emus, bison and camels. We pet them ALL. They also had ostriches, piglets, kangaroos and PORCUPINES. You couldn't pet any of those, but deep down I was hoping that someone stupid would at least attempt to touch the porcupine. I guess technically you could sort of pet the ostrich, but there were several warning signs not claiming responsibility for "incidents." What a delicate way to say, "If this ostrich behaves like its relatives from The Birds, we will not pay for an ocular transplant." And yet people are dumb enough to try to pet it. A lady told that one bit her two-year old last year. It's so hard not to laugh in people's faces sometimes. I will have to admit that even though I generally love animals I don't always want to show that in the best way. For example, as I was petting the emu I had the urge several times to grab its neck and swing it around. I didn't do it, I just thought about it. I asked Steve later if he also wanted to do that. After he burst out laughing in my face he said no. It was a little awkward after I realized I had shared too much. Although I am sure that some of you out that have also at least thought about it.

"Farmer Mike" - Master Pumpkin Carver

Sculptures made entirely out of butter.  Still unclear about how they came up with that one.