The Case of the Missing Pincushion

I have been working on some quiet book pages the last few months as a project to do in my "free time" (for those of you who don't know it's a book for your kids to make them be quiet). As you all know we do not have children nor are we planning on having them in the near future (had to throw that disclaimer in there to keep you from thinking this post is going in a completely different direction than it is). My sister Jenn made one and it took her 9 months, so I figured it will take me years, so I figured I should get a head start now because I know full well that I will not do it later. Well, in order to cut out pieces of felt you obviously need pins, which I regularly leave in places that Steve probably does not appreciate (and no, he has not sat on one...yet). On Tuesday I couldn't find my pincushion anywhere. I literally tore apart the apartment three times looking for the stupid thing. I even checked Charlie's bed. When Steve got home I told him that I was convinced that Charlie stole it and hid it from me. I think he may have thought I was paranoid, but it turns out I was not. I thought I would make one last effort and guess where I found it? Under my BED!!! I think if Sherlock Holmes had been involved he would have found it quicker. I'm not going to lie, I was starting think I was just looking to blame the cat because then I would feel less stupid for losing it, but this time I was justified. However, I'm still unsure as to how it got all the way from the living room to the bed. This incident may also explain the disappearance of the sixth Nerf dart that recently went missing. He may find himself up for auction on EBAY if he keeps this up....

The Day the Elephant Died

Yes folks, it's true. One of the elephants died while we were at the circus on Friday. Talk about traumatizing. Just kidding. It didn't die, but it was lying on the ground so that one of the other elephants could sit on it, so it may as well be dead. Steve and I had never been to a circus before, so when it came to College Station this week we decided to go. And I decided that "carnies" really are weird people. If one of our future children told us as an adult that joining the circus was their life dream I would die a little inside. Actually, a lot.

Our favorite part was watching the trained cats and dogs to tricks. Mostly because we like to believe we have "trained" the beast formerly know as Charlie to perform. For quite some time we have been teaching Charlie to walk backwards on his hind legs when we are bringing him food, so we were thinking about sending him to the circus so he can make money for us (at least until Steve becomes a breadwinner). That way I can quit substitute teaching and enjoy a life of leisure.

The one disappointment I had was that there was no lion or tiger. How can you be the greatest show on earth without one?! Have people really lowered their circus standards so low that they no longer see the need for an animal that could tear you like a paper shredder if he wanted? I was hoping them closing the show was just a fake-out for an encore to bring out the lion, so I made Steve stay in our seats. And we got nothin'! It really was the end of the show. I wanted to see the ringmaster stick his head inside his mouth. So either all the children's books I read growing up were a lie or this guy was a fake. I vote the latter.

And so the moral of the story is Barnum and Bailey is not the greatest show on earth, Disneyland/world is/are not the happiest places on earth and beef is not what is for dinner. What a crock.

Happy Anniversary to me! (and Steve)

I just got back from spending two weeks with Jenn, Aaron and baby Sarah in St. George. It was good to see family and to spend time with Sarah (who looks SO MUCH like Jenn now, just with Aaron's head). She is learning to say a few words among which is Jesus, but sounds like cheese. She evens points to his picture every time she sees it (she also enjoys pointing at your face and occasionally trying to grab your eyelids). She also has decided to use a fake laugh, often after you laugh. I had a hard time discerning whether she was laughing with me or mocking me, but based on her feisty personality I will have to say the latter.

We regularly took her to a water park as she loves to play in water (bath time with her is more like playing at a water park and your bathroom gets just as wet). She thinks it's the funnest thing in the world even though you can see her lip quivering. It's also quite entertaining to see her yell at the water in the mini waterfalls. On our way to the grocery store one morning we happened to take a shortcut through the park and she got so excited when she saw the water, but when we walked past it she started to cry because she was so sad. I think she may have thought we tricked her or something, but we felt so bad we took a different route on our way home.

I flew home on Steve and I's (is that correct?) anniversary and I was surprised by a bunch of post-it-note hearts that Steve had put all over the apartment (including one hidden in the toilet paper roll) of things he loves about me (after that my gift seemed pretty lame). We had gotten home pretty late and went to bed soon after getting back to the apartment. I was woken up at 2 am by a warm spot next to me. Thinking it was Steve wanting to cuddle because he missed me I went to give him a kiss on the cheek only to get a mouth full of CHARLIE FUR!!!!! The beast had found a small spot between Steve and I in the bed and had crawled in it and fallen asleep. Steve woke up to the sound of me spitting up fur and demanding that he throw him off the bed. I leave for two weeks and Charlie thinks he can sleep wherever he wants. What a bum.

The Nerd Burglar

So Megan has been gone for the past week in St. George visiting her sister and will continue to be gone for the next week, proving that things really do fall apart without her here. Dirty clothes all over the place, grocery bags on the kitchen floor from when I got some groceries earlier in the week, pile full of dirty dishes, empty containers of various microwavable foods (I can cook I've just been busy), and I somehow also managed to get our credit card number stolen. Go me.

The thief racked up about $600 of computer parts from various online sites and a $90 order from proflowers.com. I postulated the following scenarios: 1.A criminal nerd was trying to woo his female nerd counter part. 2. Said criminal nerd was trying to keep his Mom from kicking him out of the basement by buying her flowers.

Just having a lazy Sunday now being bored that Megan's gone and I'm not furiously studying for my Neuroscience test (it was Friday). I also had a test on Wednesday where we had to show one of the doctors in the family medicine department that we knew how to do a physical exam. The doctor said that I did well, except for one thing. Apparently after I checked sensation in the legs I tested the knee jerk reflex crouching down (wasn't thinking). The doctor said if the patient had overactive reflexes I might just get a swift kick in my vulnerable parts (not exactly how he put it, but family might be reading this.)

Please Don't Feed the Cat Junk Food

Our little friend Charlie the cat has turned out to be quite the troublemaker. I thought having an inside pet would be a piece-o-cake. Lies, all lies. Last Sunday I took a 45 minute nap and was awakened by the cupboards opening. When I went out to investigate I discovered that he had tried to open them and even tried to break into my butter dish. If it has salt or meat, he turns into a monster to try and eat it. He even climbed up my arms to try and steal my grilled cheese sandwich the other day (Steve overheard it while I was talking to him on the phone and I think he may have thought the cat won).

We have also discovered that he likes junk food. If you drop a piece of popcorn you should not even bother trying to pick it up because Charlie will not only get it before you do, but he will also "inadvertently" bite you with his four remaining fangs. And, as it turns out, it doesn't matter if you hold the popcorn bowl up in the air while sitting on the couch because he can stretch his neck far enough that he can still steal the popcorn from you.

Well, for some reason Steve seems to think that this gives him license to give the kitty food since he is going to steal it anyway. While watching General Conference today I was snacking on a bag of Corn Nuts. Later I found out that Steve was biting them into little pieces to FEED THEM TO MY KITTY!!! Steve will be demoted to litter duty until further notice.

The Big Easy

Steve and I decided to plan a vacation to New Orleans for his spring break since it is only a 7 hour drive and neither of us had ever been. The drive there wasn't too bad until I started noticing that I was getting kind of itchy. By the time we got there my lip was starting to swell, so I figured I would take some Benadryl and go to bed. Well, upon awaking Sunday morning my lip had quadrupled in size and when I looked in the mirror I startled myself before realizing that it was me. Not only was my upper lip so large that it covered up my bottom lip, but my cheeks looked like a hound dog. We decided to pay a visit to the ER and by the time we got there I had broken out in hives from head to foot. Steve wanted to know if I wanted him to take pictures to document it. I said no, so you will be spared the graphic visual aide.

Our favorite part of our trip was a swamp tour. It was quite fun and I had no idea how many pretty flowers grow in a swamp. The guide showed us houses (worth in the MILLIONS) along the banks where alligators will sun themselves. I would not pay that kind of money to have a pet-eater in my backyard. The best part, though, was Steve and I getting to hold/pet a BABY ALLIGATOR!

We also enjoyed a ghost history tour that took us through the Garden District of fancy-pants houses owned by people like Sandra Bullock, John Goodman and one that Nicholas Cage recently sold. We were a little disappointed by the caliber of ghost stories, but I think we may have been expecting something a little more morbid that what we got. I blame Hitchcock and Stephen King for that. They set my expectations way too high.

The cemetery tour we took was quite interesting as we've never seen one full of tombs above ground. We saw a tomb with Degas' family, the Voodoo Queen and Homer Plessy from the famous court case of Plessy vs. Ferguson. Apparently, you are supposed to bring an offering to the Voodoo Queen's tomb if you want your wish to come true, so I guess ours will not be granted because we didn't give her anything.

Our last day had some comical moments that made Steve and I realize that we are not very good people sometimes. We were waiting outside the Acme Oyster House because I wanted to go back for the fried catfish and shrimp, so I figured it would be worth the wait and it was. But mostly because this guy who was kind of a jerk was a few people back and got POOPED on by a bird. Normally I try to hold my laughter in until a more appropriate moment, but this time I couldn't. Awesomeness. After dinner, we walked to the New Orleans Hornets vs. Phoenix Suns game.

We happened to be sitting by a lady and her 4 or 5 year old daughter that CONSTANTLY climbed over us. Needless to say, we were very annoyed and then the universe swooped in with sweet justice.

The mother had left her nachos sitting on the arm of the chair and upon returning she knocked them onto her and sat on them before realizing that her daughter was screaming at her for sitting on the nachos. We started laughing and then I leaned over and said, "I think if Jenn and Aaron were here we would be laughing even harder." Or maybe it's just genetic (even though we know Mom will argue that it's not).

The Raccoon in Our Apartment

This week I caught it red handed with the bag of marshmallows that Megan had used to make some rice crispy treats earlier in the week. It actually isn't a raccoon, its our cat Charlie. But he might as well be a raccoon. In addition to constantly fighting him away from the garbage, this week we caught him up on the kitchen counter attempting to get into the butter container. I actually kind of like catching him doing things because he is super jumpy like Megan. Usually I'll sneak up on him and see how high I can get him to jump when I scare him. It's usually about a foot to a foot in a half. I guess all his antics are okay because that's how we stay entertained and how I justify teasing him unmercifully.

Here is him walking on 2 legs and chasing a lazer: